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Skin I Feel No More

by Alec James Payton

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shafer09hd Just stumbled onto Alec on IG, the comforting voice and the thoughtful poignant lyrics pulled me in. Hope his talent gets more exposure! Best wishes to him. And thanks for the music.
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    Skin I Feel No More in CD format.
    Standard Jewel Case with a booklet containing lyrics and photography by Tatiana Reneé (unclearmind.com).
    The CD version has two interchangeable album covers - a nest, symbolizing warmth and welcoming, and a scarecrow, symbolizing danger and abandonment. You can switch between the two by flipping the booklet.

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1.
Ornery 03:35
Mother tell me I’m not your worst son. Mother tell me I haven’t done what the others have done. I’ll die upon the mountain, Soak into the dust. Mother tell me You’ll forgive me when I run. The train is coming, I hear it blow its horn. The train is coming, I’ll join its fate I’ve sworn. It rides in from the distance, Down the tracks so long. The train is coming, and with it I’ll be gone. I’ll find my brother in the firm grasp of disease. I’ll find my brother if it takes from sea to sea. Sadness is a sickness, he’s on his hands and knees. I’ll find my brother, for he’s been ornery.
2.
Well I bought a taste of freedom and I paid my state of mind. Well let’s put some mileage on this engine, cross a few state lines. I may not make this Winter, And I surely won’t this way. But I hear there’s warmer weather, A few motel rooms away. Well I’m sure it felt like Autumn, when you were coming down last May, but you got clean for the Summer, and I overdosed on escape. Now that I’ve finally learned from punishment I cannot bear, I cannot say I wasn’t warned. I cannot say it wasn’t fair. And now that I’m off scot free, I’ve lost the words to even lie. So here I sit in silence, Guilty and tongue-tied. It still feels like December, even with the Spring winds this strong. I know I can’t run forever, but I can’t stay here long. No I can’t stay here long.
3.
Paper Thin 03:36
I have seen the future in a vision. In it I saw a corpse wearing my skin. Withers ‘til it’s paper thin, Melts into a skeleton and it’s gone. I’m left with an empty heart and an empty soul, and I have lost each piece trying to be whole. We each got a cut Of Hemingway’s heart and Sexton’s soul. Well I know that I’m a heavy load, in tough terrain I’ll be the first to go. To whom it may concern, Can you be concerned about me? The bait’s so good it’s worth it getting trapped. I feel my shadow and I hear him laugh. But I find nothing funny, I’m a poison that tastes like honey, yeah I’m tempting. I’ve buried my past selves in a tomb of skin. I’ve found each and every one in the womb again. Some light can’t be seen. Not all my wounds bleed, but none are healing.
4.
The sky is dim but I’ll be home by morning. The freckled sun wakes above the hills. The robin’s wail you know calls my returning. And I’ll be home with the daylight’s early chill. I’ll be there when the red leaves turn to falling, Autumn’s wind blows toward where you dwell. I’ll be there to hold and warm your Winters, But I’ll be going when the blossoms start to swell. The Summer’s heat turns my feet to roaming, Fleeing from the force of pain and fate. I’m fighting beasts I have no hope defeating, The endless road is my only sure escape. The seasons changed and Fall had left no mercy. The tired winds left me worn and sore. I’m only left with things too hard to carry, Things that I don’t want to have no more. And I traveled back to where you’re dwelling, just in time to wake the sleeping sun. The sky was high and the rolling winds were leaving, and I came home and saw that you had gone.
5.
Honesty 04:20
Well some things aren’t so easy to explain, But how much of my honesty can you take? Well I guess I’ll tell another lie. The truth is I’ve been trying to out-gamble my regret, And every time I turn my hand I just see losing bets. But I will try my luck one more time. And all the bottled messages I threw into the sea, I’m finding them unopened and washed up on the beach. But I keep on fighting the tide. Will my skin heal, will my skin rot? I fell behind but I haven’t been caught. And I’ve learned lessons I haven’t been taught. There’s something in the sorrow that tastes like nicotine, Thinning out my bones, yellowing my teeth. But how can I kick the habit now? The faces of my foes and my captors look amused, Saying “don’t you think it’s a little late to be starting new?” “But I, well I’m taking my time.” ‘Cause I can’t even cheat - I’m out of cards up my sleeve. I’m swearing on things I never thought that I’d believe. I’m sorry, but you asked for honesty. My skin can’t feel what it once had felt. And I’m not sick, but I’m sure not well. And you want a lie that I can’t tell.
6.
There was once a girl on a path that did cross mine. On one hand it seemed like a moment, the other a lifetime. One fresh as the concords, The other aged like wine. She came in with the thunder - left without a sound. I wondered where she was leaving to and where she’s headed now. A force that calmed the storming, Dark locks falling down. The rain came back to conquer the land the sun once dried, Seized the hills’ hard contour and filled the valleys wide. I tried to keep my balance, Control my weaker side. The sky that warned of her nearing - that’s a sky that’s clear no more. Left hiding from the weather, and fought so hard I’m sore. I ran out into the storming, Until I feared no more. High the stars are swollen above the breathless sky. The winds and raining settled among the leveled pines. I sat and wrote an epitaph, For a life I left behind. And for the love she still had with her, As she went on out of sight.
7.
I’ve heard your warning, Still I don’t turn away. And I’ve felt your torture, And still I disobey. I’m wounded, weary, No you have not been weak. You’ve taken your victory, And still I’ll never plead. You’ve seen me battered, But you haven’t seen me beat. I tell you, I’ve suffered, Like you have never seen. You’ve drank from my waters, You’ve eaten from my plate. You’re poisoned with my slaughter, Now feel my endless ache. You’re hanging your shovel. Your labor’s far from done. Frailing, fragile, Your time has come and gone. So child I remind you, You are in my debt. So beg for my mercy, ‘Cause you’ve seen nothing yet.
8.
A heart that drags behind me and a soul that flies ahead, A body in the middle – half alive, half dead. There’s something in the distance and they both chase the unknown. If I had to guess, I’d say their quest is love lost long ago. Well I have grieved and I have wept for lives I’ll never live. I’ve battled Midnight’s greatest beasts in fights I’ll never win. My body’s being carried on a river’s gentle flow. Spent my life losing every fight in wars lost long ago. You have gone and tried to hide where Gods and ghosts await, And you’ve been halfway ‘round this world just looking for a place, A place you feel you might belong, a place that feels like home. Where all you’ve been, I bet that’s in a world lost long ago. Winter with her long black hair visited me alone. Told me I’m not the strongest man that she had turned to stone. Handed me her noose and said “Now let me claim your woes. I am sure you’re searching for a soul lost long ago.” So now I’m standing eye-to-eye with destiny’s face. And though you know I’ve tried and tried to compromise with fate, It’s got me in its cold, hard grasp, I go where it says so. To be straight with you, I owe that to a hope lost long ago.
9.
Winter was getting heavy and I was on my way out. You asked where I was going, I just said “somewhere south.” I’ve been on every road from here to Owego, Trying to fight the sorrow the only way I know. Well nothing there would come cheap and you wouldn’t steal. It was a hard bargain, you couldn’t make the deal. I guess I couldn’t sell you what you had the cash to buy, Though I’m almost just as good for half the price. And I used to watch your eye color change, Green when it’s clear, blue when it rained. Now I’m on the road back home a few hundred miles away, And I’ve seen better places but they all still felt the same. I guess I’m the fool that fell for the promise, This load would one day lighten - I hoped that it would pass. My appetite was vicious for something I’d seen before. Your presence was delicious, I was only craving more. I knew your heart was hungry, and I’ve tried to make it full. It once had a taste for me - your appetite went cold. And I used to watch your hair color change, Brown in the Fall, and blonde in the Spring.
10.
When I Die 01:30
When I die will I never lay in the grass again? When I die will I be a ghost that wanders? When I die will my father rest his wandering mind? Will my mother hold her tears? When I die will I never feel the wind in my hair? When I die will I even know when you’re there? When I bathe in the rivers, oh the clean North air, Will I feel the chill wake me from my slumber? Will I feel the chill wake me from my slumber?
11.
A kind sun shone, On a storm-worn crow. Ceased the winds to blow, Thawed all the snow. Spilled the illness cure, On skin I feel no more. Anxious and restless a while, Try to balance my biles. Failed to teach the child, To stay in when the rain falls wild. That now falls numb and sore, On skin I feel no more. I hear the death bells chime, And my hands in chains and twine. The trial counts my crimes, And I dream of highway signs, As tar fills every pore, Of skin I feel no more. Check my whim and wits, In rain and wind and mist. The path I least resist, Gave way to wilderness. I lay down lost and worn, In skin I feel no more. Through early April’s bloom, A soft and kind wind moves. An endless poison spews From a trove of battle-born wounds That lay beaten and torn, on skin I feel no more. Decide when to chase, And decide when to stay. When I chose to take, You chose to give away. Now the last debt left to score, Is this skin I feel no more. Left too long to wait For things that never came. If this is a trade, Then it’s one I’ll have to take. And blood runs cool and pure Down skin I feel no more. And blood runs cool and pure Down skin I feel no more.

about

Physical CDs available at AJPayton.com

This album was recorded in the hills of Kauai in July of 2019. If you listen closely, you may be able to hear a distant rooster crow, or the trade winds whisper as they roll through the studio walls. Some of these songs were recorded using a 1930’s pre-war Martin (thanks Larry).

This album would not be possible without the one-and-only Willie Scoggins, who produced, mixed, and mastered everything you hear. Thank you so much for the opportunity and experience of working with you for a second time.

Thank you to the musicians who lended their talent to help make this album what it is:
Larry Nager, mandolin and upright bass.
Michael Cleveland, banjo.
Tim Todd, violin.

Thank you to photographer, artist, and poet Tatiana Renée for making this album beautiful with your incomparable gifts and taste for composing, taking, and editing these photographs (check out her work at unclearmind.com).

Thanks to you, for listening to and supporting me and this independent music.

All songs written and performed by Alec James Payton.

credits

released December 13, 2019

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Alec James Payton Denver, Colorado

Folk musician and songwriter with a sentimental style that digs into traditional American roots. Since independently releasing a first collection of original songs in late 2016, he has been playing venues large and small throughout the United States and has been featured on live radio as far away as Australia. He plays guitar, harmonica, and sings original and traditional folk songs. ... more

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